Twisted Tales (2005)

Travelling sales trainer Alex Wright can't live without his state of the art mobile: as modern man on the move it's his number one means of communication and entertainment, personal assistant and constant companion rolled into one. Alex also finds solace in the arms of colleague Davina, usually overnight at a Jolly Traveller motel when he can make excuses to his wife, Janet. But his smug existence quickly unravels when he receives a series of mysterious text messages. Everything's on the line, his marriage, his job, his best mate Keith. Someone is out to destroy his life. He's great, why would anyone have it in for him?

Wiseguy Joey Smith's bag disappears on the train - containing everything he needs for his next big deal. Stranded without money in an alien town, Joey finds a sympathetic ear and a bed-sit with landlady Mrs Templeman. Unable to find his way home, he discovers all is not as it seems when he is engulfed by the weirdness of her house. He makes desperate, ridiculous efforts to leave town, hampered by the locals, but he's gradually drawn into the world of Jacqueline, the former tenant of his strange flat, who disappeared without trace. Full of references to cult spooky movies and funny caricatures, this is a journey into a weird alternative world.

Charlie wants to move on with his life after the death of boyfriend Sam. The trouble is Sam refuses to accept he is dead and he won't leave Charlie - or his stash of Merlot - alone. Things take a turn for the worse when new romance blossoms for Charlie in the form of blind date, Iggy, and Sam's jealousy kicks in. Sam is furious... and he fancies the pants off Iggy. So he decides to kill Iggy so that they can date in the spirit world. Will Charlie be able to save Iggy's life and his relationship too?

After a separation, Manchester girl-about-town Kelly is about to rekindle her relationship with estranged husband John. All this is thrown off course when she's near-fatally attacked en route to their date. In an original take on the out-of-body experience, Kelly finds herself both in hospital and in a supernatural world between this one and the next, accompanied by a gatekeeper to heaven called Trev. She's forced to face up to the life she's led and to make a stark choice about her own future. On earth, as Kelly's body, watched over by feckless WPC Baker, goes through the rigours of surgery, her attacker is stalking the corridors of the hospital.

Bucket of Pus lead singer Zak is fed up of bass player Dominic's lack of ambition for their Death Metal band, while the whole band are jealous that Dominic is dating the very fit Bella. Zak plucks up courage to take the band in a new direction, but then one of them turns up dead and the whole lot are under suspicion. But, if there are no clues to pin it on the band, is it the dark forces of Death Metal wreaking revenge on the boys for turning their backs on the music? Detectives Pierson and Tanner are brought in to find the killer: will they get their act together and discover the truth before it's too late for those who are left?

Rick and Jane have just bought a house in a leafy suburb. This is going to be the first real home Rick has had. He's made a mint through property development - he's done up endless houses, banked the cash and moved on. He met interior decorator, Jane only six months ago through work, and now they are a couple. They decide to do a loft conversion straight away. Rick thinks he's landed on his feet when a chance meeting leads him to hire a builder who worked for him years ago. So begins the familiar nightmare. The endless cups of tea, the out of tune singing, the radio blasting out. Worst of all, are the monstrous turds that one of the builders keeps leaving in their upstairs loo. However, things take a sinister turn when there's a nasty accident and Rick's unscrupulous business practices finally catch up with him.

Geeky but unimaginative IT worker Darren inherits a mysterious sealed metal jar from a distant wealthy relative. Hoping for coins, property deeds or a work of art, Darren is disappointed and not a little grossed out to find that the jar contains a human brain, floating intact in a strange preservative fluid. Some research reveals that the brain and jar belonged to an even more distant relative, one Dr. Heinrich Hunsecker, an eccentric 18th century scientist, surgeon and inventor. To the dismay of his long-suffering girlfriend Jane, Darren decides to keep the brain-jar, as it's ""cooler than a lava lamp"". But Dr. Hunsecker's brain turns out to be more sinister than either Jane or Darren could imagine.

A group of friends, Paul, Janie, Trax and Hugh work together at a gaming company. They're frustrated with their boss and company founder, Doc who refuses to consider an extremely lucrative bid for the business which could make them all millionaires. While deciding what to do they play Swoozle Whack (the game using the Swoozle search engine in which one enters two words and wins if these match only a single web site). Paul finds a single site and tells the others he has won the game. As each of them checks the site individually they discover footage of themselves dying in a variety of horrible ways. At first they shrug it off - a joke someone is playing, a mock up… but then someone turns up dead, killed exactly as they'd seen on the site…

Ray is a moderately successful writer of trashy horror stories and Colin is his idle friend who lives off him while simultaneously complaining about the rent that he's only theoretically paying. They live contented mundane lives sure in the knowledge that everyone is an idiot except them. Nothing could possibly ever surprise them and that's as it should be. When Ray develops writer's block and can't think of anything remotely scary to scare his 'idiot readers' with, there's a real problem that their cash supply may dry up. After reading a brochure Colin comes up with the idea of spending a weekend at 'the scariest guesthouse in Britain' - Guesthouse Fear. On arrival the place seems uninspiring with its spray-on cobwebs and hapless hosts, Mr and Mrs Pandemic, but as Colin and Ray soon find out, truly terrifying treats lurk behind every door.

Recently sacked from his role as resident psychiatrist on Celebrity Jungle Jam, Ted is broke - more broke than his wife Sandra realises - and he needs money fast. He invites a group of old university friends to a remote country hall for the weekend. They think it's an all expenses paid trip to a luxury hotel. The reality is that he has brought them together with the intention of conducting an experiment. The plan is to see how these smug people deal with hardship while trapped in a primitive house far away from their creature comforts. The result? A foolproof new reality TV format that will net Ted a fortune… or so he hopes. Sandra is not pleased to hear about Ted's plan, especially when she learns that the house is allegedly cursed. When Ted disappears without a trace terrible events ensue. Is this part of Ted's game or is it the curse of Clanque Hall at work?

Wendy and Damien have recently moved from the city to the sleepy village of Culkin, where they hope to raise children. But after trying every which way known to science, the doctor confirms that they are unlikely to ever conceive. The couple are in despair until they happen upon Rosemary Reagan, a local witch, who recommends various bizarre devices that she guarantees will give them the child they crave. While Wendy is squatting on an exposed hillside, Damien must ""fertilise"" a mandrake root with his ""seed"". When their wish comes true, they soon find it carries a heavy price, as their fantasy of a blissful parenthood turns into a nightmare.

Harry Nagra learns that he has an incurable disease. Having nursed his parents, he decides he'd sooner go quickly. The trouble is he can't commit suicide - his life insurance is invalid if there's any suspicion that he took his own life. He decides to solve the problem by finding someone to murder him and approaches a company called Anything Goes - their motto is ""You name it, we'll do it. No exceptions."" Harry meets G.R. who seems more than willing to undertake the task. They set a date and draw up a contract, though the specific nature of the service to be rendered isn't described. Weeks pass, Harry is apprehensive but resigned to his fate. The day before the agreed date he learns that there's been a misdiagnosis - he's in perfect health. He immediately tries to contact G.R. to cancel the contract and even goes back to the Anything Goes offices. But to his horror there's no trace of G.R. or the company. Does Harry have any hope of saving himself or is his fate irrevocably sealed?

Jessie Vasquez wants to be a Hollywood producer. Her weakness for trashy, obscure flicks brings her to the door of legendary horror film maker Kurt Kindel. His move from the relatively conventional to the increasingly strange was accompanied by a startling and unexplained improvement in the gruesome special effects on screen. However, Jessie is here for one film and one film alone - The Magister, infamous among horror movie geeks as the most terrifying film ever made. When it was first screened people died from outright fear when watching it. Paying out much of his fortune to cover up the truth, Kindel withdrew the film and ordered all the negatives to be destroyed. Jessie plans to use all her cunning wiles to convince him to complete it - thus making his big come-back and of course, her name. Behind Kindel's door, Jessie finds a crumbling, gloomy mansion. Kindel has clearly been cut off from the world for decades. In Jessie's company, however, he gradually becomes rehabilitated. He's

Margery and Penny are baking rivals hoping to win the Women's Institute District Best Homemade Fruitcake competition. As Margery sets about preparing her best recipe with the help of her trusty cookbook - The Perfect Fruitcake by Bunty Crow - she is so obsessed it hardly registers when she catches her husband in bed with their housekeeper, Marie-Babette. Then comes the shocking news that Penny has died in a car crash. Was this Margery's fault for wishing such a thing? Soon enough though, guilt gives way to glee with the realization that her biggest rival is gone. However, Margery's world is turned upside down once more when her idol Bunty Crow, the All-England WI Fruitcake champion (eight years running) moves into her area and declares that she will take first prize in the competition. If only Penny was still alive they could join forces and triumph together. There seems to be no hope until Marie-Babette (a voodoo priestess from Haiti) offers to help. She performs a ritual and, to Marg